


i'll be there (in your memories)

by loveinjun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memory Lane, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 20:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19280374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveinjun/pseuds/loveinjun
Summary: if your memories of me are warm, then that’s all that matters.





	i'll be there (in your memories)

**Author's Note:**

> let's all admit it, we love a lil angst in our life...  
> listen to sorry not sorry - chen for a full experience ;)

"no frowning and no crying, okay? you're here to forget about all the things that happened in the past few months." his mom whispers beside him. 

giving her a small smile, renjun turns to his head to face the window. he tries to close his eyes, hoping to fall asleep just so he could ignore any conversation with her. he knows she will try to persuade him to forget everything, but the thing is he doesn't want to. he doesn't want to forget this place, this country, his friends, his  _home_. there are way too many beautiful memories to leave behind. 

but it's not like he's leaving south korea for good, his mom promised him it will only be for a couple of months. just enough for him to breathe a fresh air. 

returning back to jilin after being away for almost 10 years did not do much for his 'breathing a fresh air', he was way too young to even remember the place. it seems like his mom was the only one who feels nostalgic about coming back home, since his home is in south korea, in seoul, in a boy who's way too nice for his own good.

however, from the moment he saw his younger cousin in this cursed family gathering, he knew he will ask a question that will bring him weak to the knees. 

"renjun-ge, how come you're alone? jeno-ge promised me he will come visit jilin too, is he busy?" he doesn't blame his little cousin for asking, wenjun adored jeno when his cousin visited seoul last year. he has no idea about what happened between them since his mom was the only one who knew. 

"yeah, he's busy. he told me to relay his message to you though, that he will visit soon." he ruffles the kid's hair and heads straight to the bathroom.

closing the door behind him, renjun can't help but shed tears. his mom told him no crying and yet here he was, weeping his heart out in secret. with shaking hands, he brings out his phone, unlocking it and clicking the gallery immediately. he knows he's supposed to delete everything, but he doesn't want to erase that chapter of his life yet. he's still not ready to let go, to get rid of the memories. 

looking at the very first picture in his phone made the tears flow even more, it was the very first photo they ever took together. though they're still friends at the time, he already has lingering feelings for his friend. the two of them wearing a batman costume, it was pure coincidence that the both of them wore the same costume. as a result, jaemin forced them to take a photo so they could have a good laugh in the future. up until this day he still thanks jaemin for his smart ass.

_"renjun hurry up! we're gonna be late for the party!" jaemin yells from downstairs._

_"shut up, i'm almost ready!" renjun bellows back. who knew batman's costume could be such a pain in the ass too, he should've gone for the cat instead. fixing his mask one last time, he finally makes his way downstairs._

_"will you be quiet? it's not like there's a call time for that stupid party." he snaps._

_"but the alcohol might be gone when he get there." jaemin pauses with his eyes wide open, "woah."_

_"what? never seen a batman costume before?" he rolls his eyes._

_"oh i have, it just so happens that the one i've seen was only a minute ago. jeno get your ass back here!"_

_"what? is renjun finally ready or something?" lee jeno walks out from the kitchen with a sandwich in his hand._

_"or something! you two are wearing the exact same thing!" jaemin laughs loudly._

_"oh come on jun! didn't i tell you i'll be going as batman?" jeno pouts. and as expected, renjun's heart flipped a million times._

_"no, you told me you'll be freaking spiderman!" he whines._

_"but you said, you're harry potter."_

_"i couldn't find a gryffindor necktie in time, batman was the first one i saw." renjun runs his fingers through his hair._

_"well they told me spiderman was sold out and batman was the only they have!" jeno groans. "i'm not gonna change my costume." he adds._

_"what? you think i'm changing mine? jaemin's already being annoying about me getting ready, i don't want to deal with his loud ass mouth anymore." he crosses his arms. "are you done?' he glares at jaemin who's still laughing at the funny situation his friends are in._

_"i'm done, i'm done." jaemin takes a deep breath, "how about we just accept your fates, yeah? but before we leave why don't we take a photo of you two, i bet donghyuck will kick a puppy just so he could see this." he lets out another chuckle._

_he steals renjun's phone from his hands and pushes the batmans together, "cheer up you two, maybe in the future we could all have a good laugh about it, hm?"_

_renjun feels jeno's arms wrapped around his shoulders as the other brings their faces closer, and with a smile on his face, renjun's glad he looked for the batman costume._

yet, years later, in a small bathroom in jilin, renjun is crying over a picture that was supposed to be his vitamin. a reminder that during this time, jeno fell for him.

even though it was the first photo they had together, it wasn't renjun's favorite.

his favorite is the photo he took of jeno from when they volunteered at a local shelter for renjun's birthday. jeno, with the biggest smile on his face, was busy playing with the kittens. he didn't notice renjun looking at him in admiration, wanting to keep this moment for himself, renjun took a photo secretly with his disposable camera. it was his phone home screen for a very long time.

_"why do you want to volunteer for your birthday? shouldn't you be the one who's supposed to receive gifts today?" jeno questions his wish to volunteer at a local shelter. "we can still throw you a surprise party if you're not sure, i can ask jaemin to quickly plan one. though, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore." he furrows his brows._

_"it's fine jeno, i already received way too many gifts and blessings for my birthday, it's time to give one to others. plus, jaemin's looking forward to volunteer actually, said it was the best decision i ever made." he gives his best friend a small grin. he decided last year that he doesn't want his parents to give him expensive gifts for his birthday anymore, proposing they should donate it instead to a child or person in need, and volunteering at a local shelter is one of the ways he could help out others._

_"don't you love cats though?" he adds._

_"yes, but i'm allergic to them in case you forgot injun."_

_"and that wasn't a problem with your cats? look, if you don't want to join just say so jeno, i wouldn't hold it against you. hyuck and jaem already said yes, mark-hyung and sicheng-ge would be bringing their friends along. we have enough people already." he said with a crestfallen face, he turns around to leave and probably cry to his pillow when a hand wraps around his wrist._

_"i'm sorry, i didn't mean it like that. i want to volunteer too, i just want to make sure you're going to have a good time. it's your 18th birthday jun, your coming-of-age, i just want it to be memorable, something that will stick to you for a long time maybe." he fiddles with renjun's thin wrist, lifting his head up to look at his best friend in the eyes, "i just don't want you to regret it."_

_"i won't regret it, jeno. i've thought about it for a year, and my parents already made the arrangements. i have to have a good time." he lets out a small laugh. "_   _besides, i think you'll enjoy this more jen."_

_"nah, i think bongsik, seol, and nal are cuter." jeno brings renjun closer._

_what a load of bullshit, renjun thinks as he watches jeno coo at the kitten in his hands._

_"aren't you the cutest little thing? yes you are!"_

_"you were saying a while ago?" renjun teases._

_"shut up, but isn't he so cute though? look at his eyes jun! his little nose!" he squeals. oh how badly he wants to say jeno is way cuter than any cats, kittens, puppies, or dogs combine._

_with a puppy in his lap, renjun takes out the disposable camera he bought along the way. he waits for the right timing when jeno gets engrossed in the kitten, and finally._

_"renjun look he's purring! it means he likes me!" jeno turns his head to look at renjun with the biggest smile he ever saw on his face._

he still can't bring himself to change his home screen, no matter what it brings warmth to his chest everytime he sees the photo. this was his all-time favorite jeno.

"renjun, are you almost done? dinner's ready." his aunt knocks on the door. 

"yes, auntie. i'll be there in 2." he stands up from the bathtub and heads to the sink to give his face a splash of cold water. "get yourself together huang renjun, he might not be as miserable as you are."

but then again, the hurt in jeno's face when they broke up flashes in his mind. he remembers jaemin telling him how jeno was like a walking dead, barely eating and not focusing in his subjects. he wanted so badly to wrap jeno in warm blankets and feed him his favorite food but he knows he can't, they're done already and there's no turning back. he was the one who ended things with him, he was the one who made jeno suffer. 

_"hey, can i talk to you?" renjun says softly._

_"can it wait? i still have to review for my midterms jun." jeno did not bother looking up from his scattered notes on his desk._

_"jeno this is important." he tries once more but with a firm voice._

_his boyfriend finally raises his head to look at him, "what?" his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks annoyed._

_"i don't think this is working out, we barely had time together. things aren't the same anymore jen." renjun's blank eyes stare right at jeno's.  
_

_"what the hell? you can't just decide this on your own renjun, this involves two people not one. you should've talked to me about it, maybe we could still fix it." jeno panics._

_"when do you think was the last time we talked? it's been 2 whole weeks jeno, you couldn't even bother to send me a quick message when you got home safely. i can't even sleep properly, all i've been thinking was what if something had happened to you and we can't find you."_

_"that's a weak ass excuse to break up with someone renjun." jeno scoffs._

_"to you it is, you weren't the one who's worried all the time."_

_"because there's nothing to be worried about, i'm not cheating on you, i'm still deeply in love with you."_

_"well you're not doing a great job at showing it. i'm tired jeno." renjun sighs._

_"you don't love me anymore jun? is that it? you didn't grow tired with us but with me? you don't want to be with me anymore?" jeno's tears are streaming down his face, one of the only few times he sees it._

_"i'm tired jeno." he turns his back to leave but pauses when jeno's sobs reaches his ears._

_"please don't leave me jun, you know i need you. i love you." his hands are holding on to renjun's cold ones._

_"see you around jeno." renjun gently removes jeno's hands from his._

maybe, just maybe if he held on a little longer. maybe things could still be the same, and this trip to jilin might've been better. maybe instead of secretly crying in a bathroom, he would've been with his family downstairs, telling stories about how they spend time together. 

but maybe it just wasn't meant to be and maybe it was for the better. 

**Author's Note:**

> share me your thoughts on this and give me your constructive criticism, i would love to hear/read about it... weeeee  
> p.s. thank you dreamies and hrvy for this idea (stream dynl pls)


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